Panasaran

Aku terjaga lagi,

Di kala bulan masih di langit,

Cengkerik masih rancak menyanyi,

Dengkuran halus masih berderu.

Aku terjaga lagi,

Dalam kegelapan yang pekat,

Dengan deruan nafas yang singkat,

Benak terasa makin mengetat.

Aku terjaga lagi,

Bertanya pada diri,

Mengapa dan sampai bila

Akan terus begini?

Aku terjaga lagi, 

Dan terus,

Terjaga lagi.

Procrastinator

 Often, we give our 

Unconditional love

to someone or something that didn't deserve it

And often than not,

We let go 

someone or something that deserved it more

We procastinate our potrayal

Of love, of care, of gratefulness,

Until, often, way too late

Our unconditional love

Often lost its way

Often than not, goes to those who 

didn't deserved it

And we did not realized it

Until, often, 

way too late.

Donut

 Aku buka mata

Dan teruskan perjalanan

Sehari-hari yang sama

Itu disitu

Ini disini

Lama kelamaan 

Aku tidak mahu lagi

Disitu

Apatah lagi disini

Lama kelamaan

Ruang kosong yang kecil

Jadi kian besar

Jikalau ia dibiarkan

Pasti rabak

Aku.

My towering shadow

 Who haunts me

In my sleep

In my wake

Everyday

Everynight.

After years, I thought it would 

dissapear,

I would be left alone

To breathe

To see my own future

To shape my own mold

To achieve some sort of

Identity.

Unfortunate that I realized it

Until now

It still follows me,

Haunted my memories,

With its dark towering form,

Insideously stalking 

Every minutes 

Every seconds

Watching every steps

Making me vulnerable.

I hated it

But as much as I despised it,

How could you get rid of your own

Shadow?

Mirage

 Once, I was happy

Now, I am wise.

Once, I could have had the world

Now, the world seems too vast.

Once, I was free

Now, I am settled.

Once, I believe in miracles

Now, I understand they are just mirages.

Sweet lullaby

 Dearest little one

My heart and my soul,

I'll forever love you

Even if time gets old.

Don't you worry my dear

For your journey ahead,

You may need to face your fear

But it's not all bad.

Because no matter where

Your little feet heading to,

My love will be there

And always stay true.

Goodnight sleep tight

My sweet little angel,

Forego your  'what might'

Shed off all your trouble.

When sun is rising 

Again in the sky,

All shall be dazzling

Just like mommy's

Lullaby.

Sendiri

 Apa yang tersurat kadangkala

Samar.

Apa yang tersirat kerap kali

Sukar disingkap.

Ia

Sukar untuk dibicarakan

Namun lebih sukar

Untuk tetap bisu

Untuk memendam rasa.

Dari sudut ini,

Aku bungkam sendiri

Melihat insan-insan itu

Kadang tenang

Kadang gelisah.

Dari sudut ini,

Dalam menahan perit

Jiwa dan raga

Aku masih

Bingung.

Dimana aku 

Dalam sudut mata mereka?

Dalam sudut hati mereka?

Aku masih bungkam sendiri

Ketika insan-insan itu

Kian belayar,

Aku terus ditenggelami

Kata tanya,

Terus bergelumang

Air mata,

Dan terus - terusan hingga 

Ditelan pahit malam

Aku bungkam sendiri.

Aurora

I love you

when you make me comfortable in my skin,

when you support me when it matters,

when you put me first before you,

when you always remember to appreciate me,

when you stay by my side during my worst,

when you try to help me eventho you're genuinely clueless,

when you hold me close and let me know that you love me.

But you couldn't always make me love you.

There's disturbance

 around us,

As time passed, they will grow,

More and more and more.

And we sometimes forget

To make us love each other

Like we used to.

And we caused heartache, we argue

To the point that we felt nothing but potent pain.

I heard some breathtaking northen light was

formed by magnetic disturbance in the air.

Perhaps, we should not lose hope yet,

our light should appear soon

If we stay strong throughout this

storm.

Into the woods

Before we set our feet into the wood
We promised each other of security, trust, and love, like all partners would.
Optimistic that things will always turn our way,
We vowed to stand for each other comes what may.
But like all who travelled into the wood,
Our excitement grew wary along with our foot.
As the journey is long and we are restless
We started to feel worried, wondering were we too reckless?
We saw Unicorns and rainbows along the way,
But we also got wounded, dispirited and full of dismay,
It seems difficult to remember what we promised each other yesterday,
Especially when we can't  agree to what each other have to say.
Nonetheless I will always remember in my head,
What others including you have always said.

You told me woods are a special place,
If we do things right, we'll obtain solace.

All the hardship, sweat, pain and tears,
Will toughen us up as there are lesser things to fear.

Now we're going to be in the woods for
perhaps, forever,
So please take my hand and let's walk this path together.

Monster

I turned red when I'm not myself
I hunted dams in deep dark forest
I smashed them and the water flew
I saw the tsunami that I helped grew
It washed over here and there
It crashed and smashed without a care
I regretted turning too fast
Into a monster red and crass
I knew now it's all too late
I too am drowning in monstrosity that I create.

Whirlwind

I look at what's in front of me,
I see colours multiply.
I listen to all the sound around me,
I hear crashing noises.
I tried to smell at the roses,
They smell.

It's not pleasant but life is bearable.
Because I got Him. I got him too.

Fatamorgana

Aku bukan disini kerana aku ragu
Bukan kerana aku cemburu
Dan semestinya bukan kerana
Aku pilu.

Tangan yang manis
Wajah yang manis
Senyuman yang manis
Lirikan mata
Bait-bait kata
 Semuanya manis.

Aku yang dicipta disini
Entah mengapa
Dipilih sang pemanis
Untuk cinta
Katanya,
Untuk Tuhan
Katanya,
Untuk Dia
Katanya.

Hati dan ragaku
Sepenuhnya mahu percaya
Tapi betapa rapuhnya
Kepercayaan
Keyakinan
Keikhlasan
Keberanian
Aku.

Aku senantiasa tertanya
Layakkah aku?
Atau ini sekadar tipuan
Sekadar fatamorgana?

Lesser

Of course it's tough for you
You have all of us to bear
Your burden is the heaviest
Which makes you
Have the right
To be an a** when you feel like it.

Of course everything is easy for me
I have nothing to bear
My burden is lesser
Which makes me
Have no right
To point out even the truest of fact.

But of course.

You have it more
I have it less.

Andai kau tahu

betapa sukarnya

Kaki ini untuk melangkah

Ke arah cahaya

Mungkin

Kau tak akan cengkam aku

Hingga terhunus
Sampai ke tulang rusuk

Tak akan engkau

Carik hati yang luka ini

Berdarah jadi cebisan

Tak akan engkau 

simbah parut yang tinggal

Dengan air nanah

Andai kau tahu

Betapa sukarnya 

Lidah ini untuk berbicara

Dek sauh yang kau hunus

Menyiat kulit sampai ke daging

Lalu tertembus keluar

Perit

Pedih

Dan kau tarik dan tarik dan tarik

Sehingga tercarik

Terbelah dua

Dan basah dengan merah

Darah

Andai kau tahu

Betapa sukarnya

Aku mencantum sisa sisa

Keberanian

Yang tertinggal akibat

Kejahilanmu

Supaya kaki ini masih bisa

Melangkah

Lidah ini masih bisa

Berbicara

Supaya aku tidak 

Jatuh
Dan
Jatuh
Dan

Terus
Jatuh

Ke 

Lembah

Hitam kehinaan.

Biru

Tinta ini bukan untuk sesiapa

Ianya untuk biru 

Jika biru tenunan

Sudah retas

Tertarik benangnya seribu

Jika biru benteng 

Sudah retak

Mencurah airnya laju

Jika biru jiwa

Sudah luka

Berdarah dihiris sembilu

Jika biru awan

Sudah hitam

Kelam menanti ribut

Biru ini kecil

Biru ini kerdil

Dan biru ini kaku.

Pause Button

I need one right now
I'm tired
Mentally
Physically
Emotionally.

I wish time could stop
for a moment.

So I can calm down,
find myself,
explore solutions,
recharge my optimism,
And be truly
Truly happy.

Will you?

You will like me
When we smile

You will love us
When we laugh

You will miss me
When everything's peachy

You will want me
When we have a lot

But I hope

You will like me
When we frown

You will love us
When we cry

You will miss me
When the sky's cloudy

And you will want me
When we have none.

Abstract painting

Once upon a time
She was white
Blank, perhaps pure,
Like the rest of them.

But then, time showed up.
And Time is an artist,
Word is an artist,
Choices too-- an artist.
They came with invitations.
But sometimes they just barged in,
And they smeared their markings
Of permanent inks,
Harshly, gently, swiftly, slowly
To form their versions of her.

Now she is no longer pure
But an abstract marvel instead.
Some love her, some don't,
And in wretched times, she doesn't too.
There are still some white on her.
But she is now
Painfully, beautifully,
tainted.

selfish-ism

when you don't care to tell
how am I supposed to know?
when you don't care to say a word
how is it fair to hope I would utter phrases?
when you just smile when you feel like it
how could you expect me to laugh when you want it?
when you disrespect my time
how could I respect yours?
when you ignore my pain
how could you expect me to care for your pain?
when you don't care to be there for me
how could you expect me to be there for you?
when you are always being selfish
how could you expect me to always be
selfless?

when you take me for granted
it hurts,
so why shouldn't I hurt you too?

Pebbles

Our story is not full of epic sh*t
Our story is mundane
Typical
Tiny
There's no bomb
or Typhoon
but just tiny pebbles.

Our pebbles are small
insignificant.

However
Our story has a pouch
where all the tiny pebbles are kept
bit by bit
consistently
everyday.

Our pouch
occasionally will become
too full
until it feels so heavy
it tires us out
heart and soul.

There are times
very rare occasions
but still happened
Our pouch was too full
it burst
spitting pebbles everywhere
obliterating everything
in their paths.

All of us have been given our individual pouches
from the very beginning
We don't have a say in this
and we don't realize
how it will turn out to be a burden someday
we were young and naive
so we treated the pouch as a part of us.

Now, we are stuck with it
We know it tires us out
but living without it
makes us vulnerable
We have fallen victim to a scam
called comfort zone
We can throw the pouch
but we wouldn't.

We are grateful
our story are only full of tiny pebbles
not a typhoon
or a bomb
as the impact when the pouch burst
would not be too catastrophic.

At least we are able to pick up the pieces
of the shattered pouch
sew it back
and fill it in with more



pebbles.