~jangan singgah kalau tak masuk~

"when my hand start talking, my tongue could only listen. "

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

buta

kalaupun 
aku buka mata
dan nampak cahaya
cahaya itu hitam.

kalaupun
aku lihat mentari
dan nampak sinar
sinar itu kelam.

kalaupun
aku intai langit
dan nampak dikau
dikau itu fatamorgana.


kalaupun
aku cuba memahami
logik dunia
aku tak mampu
kerana aku buta

kerana kau.

Monday, November 18, 2013

sekali lagi

aku terjatuh dari kayangan

melepasi komulunimbus

jatuh dan jatuh

dengan mata terarah

ke syurga

terus jatuh

dengan angin 

terasa menampar keras

di kepala

di tubuh

lalu jatuh

terhempas

ke tanah yang paling keras

namun

tiba-tiba

belakangku tumbuh sayap 

dan aku terbang kembali.

Moga-moga kali ini aku terbang ke arah Tuhan.

Friday, September 13, 2013

September 2013, yang ke-13

Aku mula dengan Alhamdulillah. Syukur aku pada Tuhan. Adanya Engkau sebagai tempat untuk aku mengadu dan bercetera tentang kisahku.

Aku
Aku menari di dalam hati, tanpa irama dan rentak tari.
Aku menyanyi di dalam hati, tanpa suara dan nada melodi .
Aku tertawa di dalam hati, tanpa gemersik hati yang terusik.
Aku menangis di dalam hati, tanpa sendu yang tak tertahan.
Aku menangis di pangkal dada, tanpa air mata yang berjuraian.
Aku terkaku di anak mata, melihat tubir yang mula dibanjiri.
Aku tersedar ke alam fana, apabila jari jemariku pantas menyeka.
Aku terdiam bisu, tatkala nafasku terasa sesak di kalbuku.
Aku rapatkan pintu hatiku, agar resah ini tidak terus melara jiwa.
Aku catit perasaan ini, sebagai ingatan untuk hatiku.

Kau
Kau jangan lupakan Dia. Seperti sebelum ini, seperti sebelum  sekarang,
Tatkala kau menari, menyanyi, tertawa riang, di bibir, di mata, di jasadmu.
Kau lupa.
Kau milik Dia. Jasad kau hanya pinjaman yang akan kau pulangkan
esok atau sebentar lagi.

Makanya, jangan biar hati kau terus terlupa dan tersiksa
sampai akhirnya ia mati merana.



Thursday, September 5, 2013

eyes?

Eyes are the window to a person's heart.
Yeah right.
But guess what?
I think perhaps it might.
Eyes are never that colorful before.
Eyes are not as beautiful as that before.
but, perhaps I never see such eyes before.
These eyes seems alright, even perfect.
It could be that I'd found the right eyes, 
yeah, I think I had.

What a Life

Noises are flooding my head,
Endless thoughts haunting every pore of my being,
Solace is a state that seems foreign to my ear,
Even hearing the sweetest sound makes me restless,
My inner self denies any effort of having things to go right,
I felt suffocated, trapped, breathless.
I wanted quiet, not a madhouse.
I wanted a time for my own, not these.
I wanted a lot of other things that seems impossible to get, especially now.
A little bit of privacy even cost a lot these days.
A little bit of respect being thrown away at me? Impossible as hell.

What else?
What do you want? Go away.
These people just cannot mind their own silly little business.
They just have to butt in and be nosy where they shouldn’t.
I asked not too much. Just a little bit privacy,
  and my own me time where I’m not going to be guilty about.
I’m not used to using crude words. And I don’t plan to.
But right now, a few comes to mind,
  and somehow so persistently bugging me to say them out loud.
Dang it! I felt guilty feeling this way.
Sheesh.  In the end, that’s just it.
My wrath could only be surfaced in this virtual paper.
It’s so short, it should seem fake.
I feel so miserable I could not afford to care.

What a life.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

A tale of woe

I have a story waiting to be told,
It’s a tale of woe of a dispirited soul,
It’s a common story, quite centuries old,
It’s a tale of a heart
      that had been left out cold.

She’s a typical girl, not too wise or a big fool,
She lives moderately, stomach always full,
But her heart sometimes aches
as she’s always expected to be cool,
and follows orders sometimes likes a mule.

Days turn to months and months turn to years,
At last she wonders;
   ‘Why do I let slip all these tears?’
     ‘Why am I expected to hold on to this burden?’
go on and on her mind boggling questions
               as she stop for a little while
and makes a lifetime worth of turn.

‘I’m just a girl, a second daughter of six,
I could not afford to be demanding
    Even if I’m sick,
After all the sacrifices I made, heart tied to knot,
I’m still stuck being the sister
 That I know I’m really not.
I wanted to be better, I really tried I do,
But never all of these efforts means anything to you.”

So she wailed and wailed till the time flies by,
And sooner people heard there is a missus that has die,
Not due to measles or fever or poisonous snake,
She died due to a common heartache.

That’s all to it, this tale of mine,
Not that I claimed it’s superbly fine,
It’s just a common tale, quite centuries old,
Waiting and waiting for it to be told,
If you folks who read this,
Could not quite understand,
You just need to open your eyes
but see from inside,
There is always, always someone; like the girl who had died.

Sometimes she's far from you, sometimes quite nearby,
you'll see her for sure, if you really try.

Friday, June 28, 2013

it's okay

hey,
I don't mind not going there
but to stay here
I don't mind having this
not that
I don't mind sharing this much
and not getting that much
I don't mind staying like this
not like that
I don't mind being this
not that
I don't mind now
and not hence
I don't mind so much
sometimes
I don't mind at all

here is good enough.
now is good enough.
I don't mind staying as it is
as long as 
you're all here beside me

it's okay.

Monday, June 17, 2013

teehee


coincidence is so pretty.

ohh how I love you

pretty pretty coincidence. 

the independent month

10 fingers 2 times

1 hand 1 time.

ohh such pretty coincidence you.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

tutup telinga

aku tak sedar apa aku buat
dah buat
pernah buat
kat kau.

tapi sekarang boleh tak kau berhenti
pause
stop
segala effort kau.

kau hanya akan sakitkan kau
dan rimaskan aku.

aku jahat aku tahu.
tapi aku taknak tambah 
hipokrit dalam kamus hidup aku.

aku ulang.

aku tak sedar apa aku buat
dah buat
pernah buat
kat kau.
tapi sekarang boleh tak kau berhenti

segala effort kau.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

its him again

hello again little creature
long time no see
I thought you had forever flee
leaving me with only - me
Now u are home 
please
Don't go for another journey
and leave me be
sad and lonely

hey 

do you hear me
                my little love bugs-y?

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

dandelion

she is a symbol of rebirth
                        of hope
she wilted and then she grows
she dropped to the ground but
she tries to stand up again
she is a fragile thing, yes she is
but nothing could stop her from trying
to stand, to grow, to glow

she is a sunshine
   in a god forgotten land
she is a light
   in a dark abyss without an end                  
and
it gives me hope
by dying
as I hold it dear in my foolish hand.

dan bila nanti

kita bersemuka dan 
kau tak mampu lagi
lihat aku 
seperti dahulu
seperti sekarang
aku mohon maaf 
sepuluh jari
aku berubah 
bukan kerana aku mahu
kerana aku perlu
kadang
kerana takdir tersurat begitu
kadang
kerana aku kalah dengan nafsu
kadang 
kerana aku lupa kamu juga
punya jiwa yang mampu
marah
punya daya untuk berubah

dan bila nanti
kita sudah sama-sama
tak mampu lagi
lihat kita
seperti dahulu
seperti sekarang
aku mohon kau jangan lupa
kita yang dahulu
kita yang sekarang
kerana aku tidak akan.

Friday, May 17, 2013

suits you

bubbly
    pastel
         sunshine
              brightness
all over me
   "this suits you best"
    this suits me best
all over you
                darkness
             soot
     earthly
mute
        

Saturday, May 11, 2013

My Rose

Sometimes, I regret
for not treating you right,
Sometimes, I hate
the way you treat me,
Sometimes, I ponder
about the relationship you have
with her - 
how is it? - Is it --
good?
bad?
Sometimes, I feel bad
for not coming to you-
shows my affections,
Sometimes, I am afraid
if that time would come --
when I regret 
for not being affectionate,
This time, I hope
I'm not to late,
to say -

you are a mother,
my mother,
and a mother 
so great.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

no input detected

that - I agree,

in here 

I'm somewhere else,

in here 

I'm someone else,

nothing -- is there; in here,

no - nothing,

no input detected.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

(.......)


Aku bisu
Di matanya, bisu
Di mulutnya, bisu
Di hatinya.

Bila timbul bunyi masih bisu
Di telinganya, bisu
Di jiwanya.

Aku tidak terkaku
Bisu, tidak terpaku
Bisu, tidak mahu
Bisu, cumanya
Kewujudanku itu selalu
bisu, 
Di kepalanya,
Di dunianya.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

miniature you


I wonder

What are you?

You exist once
and you planted within me pink seed
that you watered everyday with genuine smile and wit
and the seed turn to a tiny seedling
a beautiful tiny seedling
a miniature you

Then, you are gone
no more smile, no more wit
and the tiny seedling tend to wilt
but I tried to protect it
using what left of you
memories
like petals falling from the tree
as time goes by only few left
until it ceased to none

The tree of memories had been long naked
and you had long slipped my mind
so did the miniature you

Now, I ask you again

What are you?

You exist again in my sleeps
in the form of the miniature you
as if you try to nurture
the long forgotten seedling
and make me confuse all over again

Must I remind you?
The seedling had long wilted
and so did the tree of memories

Wait

I think I know what you are

All this while I'd been tortured by your facade
because I don't have the heart
to pull the wilted seedling out of me
I knew now
you had been hiding
within the long root of the tiny plant all this while
haunting me like a ghost
so, this is you

and I knew now
when I look at you
the real you
the time has come
to really end what left of you

So
so long miniature you

the empty space you leave will be taken
and this time
     I shall be happy.