Monster

I turned red when I'm not myself
I hunted dams in deep dark forest
I smashed them and the water flew
I saw the tsunami that I helped grew
It washed over here and there
It crashed and smashed without a care
I regretted turning too fast
Into a monster red and crass
I knew now it's all too late
I too am drowning in monstrosity that I create.

Whirlwind

I look at what's in front of me,
I see colours multiply.
I listen to all the sound around me,
I hear crashing noises.
I tried to smell at the roses,
They smell.

It's not pleasant but life is bearable.
Because I got Him. I got him too.

Fatamorgana

Aku bukan disini kerana aku ragu
Bukan kerana aku cemburu
Dan semestinya bukan kerana
Aku pilu.

Tangan yang manis
Wajah yang manis
Senyuman yang manis
Lirikan mata
Bait-bait kata
 Semuanya manis.

Aku yang dicipta disini
Entah mengapa
Dipilih sang pemanis
Untuk cinta
Katanya,
Untuk Tuhan
Katanya,
Untuk Dia
Katanya.

Hati dan ragaku
Sepenuhnya mahu percaya
Tapi betapa rapuhnya
Kepercayaan
Keyakinan
Keikhlasan
Keberanian
Aku.

Aku senantiasa tertanya
Layakkah aku?
Atau ini sekadar tipuan
Sekadar fatamorgana?

Lesser

Of course it's tough for you
You have all of us to bear
Your burden is the heaviest
Which makes you
Have the right
To be an a** when you feel like it.

Of course everything is easy for me
I have nothing to bear
My burden is lesser
Which makes me
Have no right
To point out even the truest of fact.

But of course.

You have it more
I have it less.

Andai kau tahu

betapa sukarnya

Kaki ini untuk melangkah

Ke arah cahaya

Mungkin

Kau tak akan cengkam aku

Hingga terhunus
Sampai ke tulang rusuk

Tak akan engkau

Carik hati yang luka ini

Berdarah jadi cebisan

Tak akan engkau 

simbah parut yang tinggal

Dengan air nanah

Andai kau tahu

Betapa sukarnya 

Lidah ini untuk berbicara

Dek sauh yang kau hunus

Menyiat kulit sampai ke daging

Lalu tertembus keluar

Perit

Pedih

Dan kau tarik dan tarik dan tarik

Sehingga tercarik

Terbelah dua

Dan basah dengan merah

Darah

Andai kau tahu

Betapa sukarnya

Aku mencantum sisa sisa

Keberanian

Yang tertinggal akibat

Kejahilanmu

Supaya kaki ini masih bisa

Melangkah

Lidah ini masih bisa

Berbicara

Supaya aku tidak 

Jatuh
Dan
Jatuh
Dan

Terus
Jatuh

Ke 

Lembah

Hitam kehinaan.

Biru

Tinta ini bukan untuk sesiapa

Ianya untuk biru 

Jika biru tenunan

Sudah retas

Tertarik benangnya seribu

Jika biru benteng 

Sudah retak

Mencurah airnya laju

Jika biru jiwa

Sudah luka

Berdarah dihiris sembilu

Jika biru awan

Sudah hitam

Kelam menanti ribut

Biru ini kecil

Biru ini kerdil

Dan biru ini kaku.

Pause Button

I need one right now
I'm tired
Mentally
Physically
Emotionally.

I wish time could stop
for a moment.

So I can calm down,
find myself,
explore solutions,
recharge my optimism,
And be truly
Truly happy.

Will you?

You will like me
When we smile

You will love us
When we laugh

You will miss me
When everything's peachy

You will want me
When we have a lot

But I hope

You will like me
When we frown

You will love us
When we cry

You will miss me
When the sky's cloudy

And you will want me
When we have none.

Abstract painting

Once upon a time
She was white
Blank, perhaps pure,
Like the rest of them.

But then, time showed up.
And Time is an artist,
Word is an artist,
Choices too-- an artist.
They came with invitations.
But sometimes they just barged in,
And they smeared their markings
Of permanent inks,
Harshly, gently, swiftly, slowly
To form their versions of her.

Now she is no longer pure
But an abstract marvel instead.
Some love her, some don't,
And in wretched times, she doesn't too.
There are still some white on her.
But she is now
Painfully, beautifully,
tainted.

selfish-ism

when you don't care to tell
how am I supposed to know?
when you don't care to say a word
how is it fair to hope I would utter phrases?
when you just smile when you feel like it
how could you expect me to laugh when you want it?
when you disrespect my time
how could I respect yours?
when you ignore my pain
how could you expect me to care for your pain?
when you don't care to be there for me
how could you expect me to be there for you?
when you are always being selfish
how could you expect me to always be
selfless?

when you take me for granted
it hurts,
so why shouldn't I hurt you too?